Thoughts: Medieval stuff (My Book!). Both a book I'm currently reading and an alternate cover for my favorite album have a foot on the cover. I wish I didn't make a TTRPG character who is better than me, it's hard to roleplay. I don't think anyone really likes me and I can't contribute much. I feel like I can't be as close with my best friend because I don't like porn and hate expressing vulnerability. I feel like I'm only friends with him in the first place because we both once had no one to talk to. People like him though, but I was bred in a lab to have no positive traits. I find it hard to properly articulate my thoughts and especially my feelings. Ever since a young age I have glimpsed the heavens and they (heaven) knows I could not describe that experience. Gosh this is a lot more thoughts than last time I tried to type something up on here. Stranger Things's finale was bad but it reminded me that I like a villain that is sort of pathetic. A villain can be Timmy Tuffknuckles but also pathetic because of course an evil person is also a very small, sniveling man. It reminded me of the final scene with Doc Ock in it in the first Insomniac Spider-Man game, when Otto was pitifully trying to get Peter to save him. He was begging, crying out. He did not go out nobly. That's what Vecna's death made me think of, the way he was sort of convulsing on that meat spike. And of course the strange thing with the caves etc. Yeah. He's a small little man. And if one would want to continue on with the comparisons with Otto, one would say Otto was also poorly adjusted and it showed, but one cares not enough to continue with that explaination.
Yup... that one. Classics are classics for a reason it seems. I really like it, especially the writing style. I keep hearing the guitar riff from Blues play in my head after a particularly wordy paragraph.
Not sure about this one. Found this one in the wild. I like it though since it's medievalesque. It's about this surgeon who, as a victim of circumstance it seems, has to investigate a murder (then three). Free Hugh Singleton... He just likes surgery...
. . .
Gee, are you kidding? Isn't it great that my reading and some shows and movies I've seen and the video essays I watch on YouTube (and, hell, throw history class in there as well) are all lining up?
Well, when it comes to the medievalish side of things, it's just that I was watching videos about some medieval stuff and it supplemented my reading, it's crazy concept, I know. (And I mean this in full sincereity, forgive me if I didn't know universities more or less as we know them have been around for forever.)(But I did know that white bread as we know it today was invented around the time of the Industrial Revolution. Thank you, YouTube![1])
But on the other side of things... It took me this long to find out that everything is about the Cold War? Shit, man, I wouldn't have even been born if not for the Cold War(the actual wars that spawned from it be damned). My English teacher seems to have not given us any background info about it whatsoever(and yet, in my freshman year, we spent a lot of time with background info on the Dominican Republic, and not just about the sex trafficking and tourism and other stuff that was relevant to the book. That teacher had me doing a presentation about imports and exports of the DR. And I couldn't even find a reliable source, so I said fuck it, yeah I'll use the AI-generated statistics displayed on the website for shipping company even though it contradicts some info from another site because at least it goes into more detail)(and yet, there was a question on our first reading quiz asking about what historical events the book was based on IIRC) but at least I've learned plenty in my personal life to make up for it. Watching Fallout was pretty much how I learned what the Cold War was. I guess this is what they mean when a show is rated with parental guidance suggested. Because you need to learn the historical context somehow. And, you know, keep it in mind I didn't know jack about shit until, like, last year(although, I guess, what I have learned since puts past info into context, and maybe that's the point)(and, like I said on the home page, I gained consciousness yesterday).
Now, where was I? All of these style-over-substance footnotes and divergencys are messing me up. Right. (Keep in mind I may have watched videos here and there that might have been pertaining to these topics between here and there but fuck if I know what, when, and which.[1] But if I remember specifics I will try to document it here.) Rewatching Stranger Things(And that show is just a topic for another train of thought. Another page I mean.) and reading all the short stories we had to read in class before F451 (background info on dystopian lit but nothing else)(and the whole replacing-full-length-books-with-short-stories thing is a whole other let's just say train of thought again) made me realize, damn, everything is about the Cold War. Now, I will add a tangent about those short stories in a minute because this topic really did fascinate me. Speaking of fascinating topics, if not about the Cold War, always about the threat of nuclear annihilation. And I'd hate to sound morbid or god forbid "edgy"(but we all do have our faults even when we are self-aware(and of course self-awareness is a whole other can of worms)).
Now, if I thought about it, the origin of this Atomic Age fascination must've started from those reposted Tumblr screenshots that "read as poetry"(and of course my demographic shows a little here) with all sorts of analogous comparisons such as the likes of angels and satellites being kind of the same creature, as I think they would've described it? (I won't say it... this time I will say take a shot every time I've said I will save this tangent for another time.) A lot of comparisons between technology and the divine. And most importantly... that YouTube video about long-term nuclear waste warnings. I don't know where I got this one from... but you know, isn't nuclear fallout kind of like the rapture? Not that I would know anything about what the rapture's like. I'm not religious. And in that way, I kind of am culturally appropriating, aren't I? But think about it, a mass amount of people are instantly vaporized, or taken up into Heaven. After that, everyone who remains must suffer through the Great Tribulation, or suffer through surviving an atomic bomb blast if you've read about what that's like. But yeah...
Why else might I take interest in this general topic that I won't put a label on for now but it was pre- me learning more about the Cold War and exclusively pertained to the more nuclear side of things? Doc Ock: Year One. Take a shot for now. But I question how big of an impact that that book specifically had.
Why the hell was I on this entire tangent about the Cold War and atomic age for in the first place? Also isn't this all in the everpersistent pursuit of having oneself portrayed in all accuracy and entirety? that's terrible. Well, I need to get sleep not to mention do my damn homework so I'll put it in plaintext. I've watched videos about the 1950s era of innovation and futurism and that made some things in the stuff I've had to read for school more clear etc. and I'm on the Cold War unit in history class and that's how I learned that that's the reason I was born in this country in the first place. Why did I type any of this for any reason other than catharsis? And this hardly counts as catharsis. It was terrible.
Back Home>>>[1] “'Cram them full of noncombustible data, chock them so full of 'facts' they feel stuffed, but absolutely 'brilliant' with information.'” -- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
I was born to be an incel.
I was born to be a coke addicted 1980s stock broker. I was born to be a 1950s housewife cooking tuna and deli meat Jell-o. I was born to be a medieval serf. I was born to be a 90s techbro. I was born to be that one guy in the Discord server.
I was born to be... a SHEIN worker???? No that can't be right... Maybe my notes aren't that reliable...
Maybe I am a girl though