Now I realize that on my A Word On: Catharsis page, I never actually addressed the issue I was so concerned with. That's probably because if I did, I would untense and untaunt and experience catharsis in the traditional sense (bawling my eyes out). And I still won't address that here, instead I will state why I am just not meant to be playing tabletop roleplaying games of any sort.
Oh yes, your boy has learned how to make a list and I won't stop.
I can't improv.
I just don't care for the mechanics.
I do not like writing fight scenes, nor saying them aloud.
I can't make a character that is likeable and I will want to embody and play.
I'm not funny. I don't get along with other people and I'm just not meant to be around them.
I am a spineless weak little man who needs constant reassurance.
There is absolutely nothing about this type of game that appeals to me that I can't get out of something else in my life.
Having free-flowing conversations normally makes me feel like a gun to my head. TTRPGs have all of that except I'm playing a character, have to be interesting, have a clubful of people depending on me, and so forth, therefore it feels like I have an entire firing squad lined up around the back of the room ready to shoot me dead.
I don't have anything to contribute.
Classes? I can contribute by helping with the answers or explaining something. Or being completely and utterly silent and never ever bothering you.
Friendships? Either I get my constant reassurance I am so desperately dependent on, or I can contribute by being funny when I can, showing my best artworks, or providing reassurance myself, or companionship when my presense doesn't feel like a burden, or money or whatelse.
In TTRPGs? I'm there by choice. I'm supposed to be having fun. It would be the same whether or not I'm there, whether or not I'm dead or alive and I'm miserable (See A Word On: Catharsis). So, you know.
I'm not going to get into why I specifically quit the campaign I was in and how I set myself up for failure right now since it's not relevant. I do still have some type of a fondness for D&D so here is all of the related stuff I like.
Renaissance faires.
The DND cartoon. Of course. I will work on my page for that eventually.
Thri-kreen. It's this one race of big bug people. Not sure why I have a thing for them, but I've done a ton of research and they're great. I'll write a page on them eventually too.
Medieval stuff and some fantasy stuff.
Actually, after thri-kreen, add plasmoids too. And kind of just all of the races in DnD. It's fun to see different games' and shows' interpretations of fantasy races like orcs and stuff. Some go more pig, more green, less green, more just-a-green-and-strong-person, less PC, whatever. Et cetera.
I like Dungeon Meshi.
What did I get out of Daggerheart (yeah I've been playing that Critical Role TTRPG, not the Kleenex kind)? Other than a new bodily and mindly status effect that somehow affects me now in advance of social situations other than what it originally did? And a new perspective on TTRPGs? And an immense feeling of freedom like no other when I decided to quit cold turkey?
I like making characters to some extent. Not that I'm good at it. Not that I was prepared. Not that I didn't set myself up for failure and humiliation. But barring everything else, I like the name I picked for my PC and I had fun drawing him. He's a funky little dude.
I like the artificial sense of comraderie and being apart of something.
I like being around other people as much as the next guy. I like being seen. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be.
When you don't get along with other people, all group conversations are just like eavesdropping. Not that I don't enjoy eavesdropping. Not that I want to try talking.